Pacifier Blues

So I know I've whined and complained over and over again about how much it just plain sucks to get up almost every hour some nights to replace Anya's pacifier. Seriously. It's bad. We've been doing it for over a month now since the pacifier dependency reared its ugly head at the end of a week of growth spurt induced night feedings. We were grasping at straws for anything but feeding her in the middle of the night when we figured out that she was only doing it to be soothed by the suckling. So we turned to the pacifier. And then somewhere along the line it changed from a once a night if at all thing to an OMG I NEED THE PACIFIER RIGHT NOW OR I MIGHT DIE once an hour or more thing. And it is getting old really, really fast. We know she's capable of sleeping through the night. She no longer gets a night bottle beyond bed time. She doesn't need anything until 11 to 12 hours after we first put her down for the night. We know she's capable of sleeping that entire time. Somewhere during the battle for our sleep we allowed her to depend on her pacifier way too much when she was already doing so well at self-soothing in the middle of the night aside from the occasional night feeding. We would have been better off weaning her from the random night feeding than what we are facing now.

Because we are tired of getting up all night long and essentially feeling like we didn't really get any sleep on an almost daily basis when we should be sleeping like babies (Pun totally intended.) through the night, we are taking away the pacifier. Starting tonight. Cold turkey. Aside from social situations. Because if she freaks out in the middle of dinner at a restaurant we really don't want to inconvenience everyone else with out screaming child. She's already stopped wanting it in the car. And she rarely takes it during the day aside from the occasional fussy spell and nap time. She actually spends more time taking it out to chew on the handle than she spends suckling the pacifier the way it was intended to be used. Getting her to fall asleep initially isn't going to be that bad. It's the getting her to stay asleep that is going to be a challenge. She needs to learn self-soothing all over again. And I have a feeling we'll be the ones needing soothing by the time this is all over. From what I've learned from other mothers that took away pacifiers at this age, it should take a week or less for her to get over it. But this is going to be one long week.

I'm actually a little sad about this transition. Sure, we're doing it sooner than a lot of parents so I suppose that's our own fault, but I got a bit teary eyed thinking about the fact that I won't really get to see her suckle on the cute pink flowered pacifier that I love to see her with so much. Except maybe in those social situations that require it. And we hope to break her of those next month when instead of buying the next stage of pacifiers for 6+ months we're just going to pack away the last remaining pacifiers we're keeping in the diaper bag for the time being. I've gotten a range of opinions on taking away her pacifiers this early. Some people say it's easier than waiting as far as the fight she'll put up, and others say it's selfish because babies need to suckle. But she has already gotten to the point where a pacifier does not satisfy her during the day for entertainment or soothing more often than not so I know she doesn't need it at night. She wants it. For comfort. When, at this point, she should know how to self-soothe in the middle of the night. And I know myself enough to know that if I give it to her to fall asleep with, I'll keep giving it back to her in the middle of the night. So they're going away. Just a couple are going in the diaper bag for use outside of the apartment. And next month those will also be gone.

I'm dreading nap time more than bed time. I think she'll get over it a lot faster when it's dark outside and all of her other bed time cues such as her womb bear and fan for white noise are in full swing. During the day at nap time if she wakes up wanting her pacifier she wakes herself all the way up so that there is nothing you can do but try to give her the pacifier before she realizes she's awake and it's day outside. I'm going to have to pull some strength from that part of me that survived pregnancy and childbirth without my husband being physically present to tackle nap time while Ryan's at work next week. It's going to be a full out war between Anya and I. And to be honest, I'm not entirely sure who's going to win. Ryan could come home one afternoon to find that Anya has me in a chokehold. Try getting that image out of your head. I'll be imagining it all week.