My Insecurities Laugh at Me

All the pizza I ate today makes me with I actually thought diet supplements worked. But I know better. I need to start hitting the 30 Day Shred again soon. I was out of commission for a while after jamming my wrist in my dog chase related fall a few weeks ago. But I'm finally back up to about 98% usability. If I lift something at the the wrong angle I get an echo of a twinge and have to take it easy for a few minutes. The push up segment might be a little iffy, but I'm so tired of being gross. The baby weight must go, or I will lose my mind to all the insecurity based thoughts running through my mind every time I get dressed and look in the mirror. I must get motivated. Ryan's going to be going on a 30 day field exercise in the near future so getting started soon so that I can be working on that while he's gone would be pretty awesome. That way he'll notice the change even more so than if he were here every day. I want to surprise him with my motivation to get in shape because he knows how lazy I am about it most of the time.

And I know some people look at the 10 pounds of baby weight and the other 10 pounds of bleh I had before the pregnancy and laugh, but for me it is a lot. This is the most I have weighed in my life, and I didn't like what I weighed before so I'm really feeling it. I'm a very insecure person when it comes to my looks. I mean, I was told I was hot in high school as a joke right before they laughed in my face and walked back to their group of laughing friends. That breeds problems in a girl's self-esteem, and I was already fighting an uphill battle before all the jerks of my teenage years walked in and out of my life laughing at me. And I'm not looking for pity here, I'm just explaining why I've spent a lot of time mentioning things related to my looks on this blog. It's a touchy subject for me, and poor Ryan spends a lot of his time giving me as much reassurance as he can. But I know the only way I can make myself feel better is to know I'm doing what needs to be done to look decent and be in shape. So I'm working on that.