How it All Went Down

After being sent home from the hospital with minor cramps and back pain Monday night, I slept fine for several hours with the aid of a heat pad on my back. I woke up at around 4AM and decided rather than roll over for half an hour of sleep I should go ahead and take a pee break enabling me to sleep for several hours without waking back up. After using the bathroom I was moving around to make sure my bladder was completely empty so I wouldn't stand up just to pee on myself because Anya shifted off of my bladder (Yeah. It has happened.) when I felt a sensation in my abdomen that popped. I immediately thought my water broke and as I continued moving to empty my bladder I realized I was losing more than urine. It was just a few small gushes, and when I stood up it stopped so I decided to put on a liner and head back to bed until I had something substantial happening rather than make another wasted trip to the hospital.

I started having contractions immediately after laying down that were about 6 minutes apart and pretty mild. At about 5:30AM Ryan got online. When I stood up to turn on my overhead light so he could see me on the web cam, I felt a trickle. When I sat back down it stopped so I told Ryan about my trip to the hospital the night before and that I was having contractions after my water had broken so I'd be going back in as soon as he got offline. My contractions were 4 minutes apart and getting more intense when he signed off at 6AM to go see if his command would let him stay online during the whole process, and I texted my mom to come help me to the bathroom so I wouldn't make a mess. I managed to waddle into the bathroom and sit down before the rest of my water came gushing out. At that point I knew Anya was going to arrive before the day was over.

We gathered up my things and hustled to the hospital by 7AM where they checked me and hooked me up to all of the usual monitors. I was only 1 centimeter still, but since my water had broken I had no choice but to progress. They started IV fluids and continued to check me every hour before starting a light pitocin drip around 10AM to help me dilate as I was barely at 3 centimeters and working on 4. Looking back, I don't think I needed the pitocin. I told them I wanted an epidural as soon as they would let me have it as at that point although my contractions were irregular, they were coming fast and strong enough to make me struggle not to throw up immediately from the pain. I received the epidural just before 11AM and felt immediate relief. I was talking and laughing with Ryan on the web cam without any sort of discomfort. He had been given permission to stay in the computer lab as long as he wanted for the day and been excused from all of his other responsibilities and activities. It felt really good to know he would be right there on the screen for me to see and talk to through the entire thing.

Around 20 minutes later I started feeling pressure with the contractions that I could see I was having from the monitors. I thought maybe my epidural wasn't working and told the nurses the pressure was actually getting painful at the peak of the contractions. They checked me just to see where I was only to find out I was the full 10 centimeters dilated. I dilated over 6 centimeters in about an hour. It still baffles me. I think I was well on my way to 10 centimeters on my own and that the pitocin was overkill on my poor body. The epidural hadn't had time to be as effective for pushing as it had been for the contractions in my abdomen.

The pain immediately got worse with the pressure from each contraction and I could tell it was from the urge to push. They had the anesthesiologist give me a faster acting pain medication through my epidural to target the pain in that area and then told me not to push. Breathing through those contractions without pushing - even with the epidural and extra pain medication - was probably the most difficult thing I have ever done. I'm actually really proud of myself for the way I handled it. Just before 11:30AM the nurses allowed me to start pushing, and I don't remember how many pushes it took to get Anya's head down far enough to crown. I do remember looking at Ryan on the computer screen in between pushes and smiling at the look on his face full of pride and love as he held his fist in front of his mouth attempting not to bite his knuckles with nervousness.

At that point I was told to stop pushing until the doctor came in which hurt like you would not believe. When the doctor did finally come in to help deliver Anya I really don't remember giving more than one or two light pushes to get her head out because the doctor was trying to keep me from pushing so he could give me an episiotomy when he realized I wasn't going to be able to deliver without tearing. But that didn't happen. Once her head was out the rest of her just kind of fell right into the doctor's hands, and I was panicking a little from that last jolt of horrible pain because I thought it was something the doctor was doing and hadn't been warned of. (Turns out it was a 3rd degree tear. Yeah it really is as bad as it sounds.) At 11:46AM I heard Anya's first cries, and I saw the look of amazement on Ryan's face and smiled at him while exclaiming, "She's here!" into the microphone. Followed by many 'I love yous' and what I'm pretty sure were a few tears from Ryan that he blotted away from the corners of his eyes.

The doctor immediately set to work cutting the cord and delivering the placenta while I was distracted by my mushy husband. Once Anya was handed over to the nurses to be cleaned up and checked over, they were more than happy to hold the laptop above her warmer as it all happened to allow Ryan to watch and see her face for the first time. I'm pretty sure one of my favorite photos of her entire delivery is the one showcasing Ryan's face as Anya was held up for him to see. It was during all of this happiness and the hustle and bustle of my parents taking pictures, talking to Ryan, and looking on in awe of Anya's adorableness that I realized the doctor was still working on me. And it hurt. Because he was stitching me up. Seeing as my epidural hadn't even had time to be effective for pushing, it was quickly obvious it wasn't going to be enough for a needle either. I was given several shots of local anesthetic before he sewed up all three layers of my lovely tear telling me all the while that I had done beautifully and was doing very well with the stitches.

When I was handed all 19.48 inches and 6 pounds 2 ounces of Anya for the first time, it was the most amazing moment of my life to date. She looked up at me with her dark blue eyes and moved her mouth into all kinds of funny expressions. Her eyes darted around taking everything in, and she snuggled up to me like it was the only place in the world to be. Ryan and I just smiled at each other while his fellow Marines who had been gathering behind him throughout the delivery congratulated him. He took snapshots of me holding our little girl on the web cam to download to his PSP and carry around with him while my family got several of our own photos before Anya was whisked away to her first official examination in the nursery.

Ryan and I were able to talk and revel in the excitement of everything that had just happened for a bit once the doctor and the majority of the nurses had left the room. When they returned Anya to us we oohed and awed over her together with my parents who were joined shortly by Ryan's mother and brothers as well as my brother and Kesha. Eventually Ryan had to go to get himself something to eat and some sleep before getting back to work the next morning, but I am so blessed to have been able to share those wonderful moments with him. It meant more to both of us than we could have ever imagined after believing for so long he wouldn't know anything about Anya's birth until well after the fact. And now I know he is even more anxious to get home and hold her himself. It's amazing what modern technology allowed us to do, and I am extremely grateful to those members of Ryan's command in the USMC who allowed him the time to be part of his daughter's birth from the other side of the world.

Anya is a well behaved baby. She likes to sleep a lot especially when allowed to snuggle up to me for extended periods of time. I was attempting to breast feed her just to see how things went, but she was having trouble latching and kept falling asleep on me when she would give up from how much effort it was taking which was going to cause us to have to stay in the hospital again tonight. Seeing as I didn't really have my heart set on breast feeding her to begin with, I finally asked if I could switch her to a bottle this afternoon. Then she didn't want to stop eating! I'll probably still attempt to pump some and maybe even give natural breast feeding another try once we're home since she has latched enough to cause my milk to want to come in. I might as well take full advantage of whatever I can get to her. But at least I know she'll take a bottle if all else fails without killing myself stressing out about it or spending two hours trying to get her to eat something.

Right now it looks like we will be able to go home tonight as long as she feeds as well from the bottle at her next feeding. Thank goodness. I will be so much more comfortable recovering from my third degree tear at home. I've gotten up and about some today to prevent getting too stiff after laying around most of yesterday afternoon. I took a shower this morning which made me feel like an entirely new person. I'm just ready to be at home with my bathroom routine and be able to start getting Anya into her own routine with the things we have available to her at home such as her baby swing. Not too mention I really hate watching the nurses wheel her away at night or anytime they feel she needs to be in the nursery for whatever reason. I just want to take her home and care for her myself.

She is such a good natured baby that makes tons of faces whether she's awake or asleep. (Usually asleep which makes the moments she's looking around at everything and stares at me very special.) Even when she cries it's brief and usually she just wants me to stroke her face and let her know I'm nearby before she snuggles back up in her swaddling blanket and drifts to sleep. Though she does seem to want to suck on her thumb or fingers really badly. She keeps chewing on her shirt sleeves where her hands are covered. As long as she isn't still sucking her thumb at 11 years old like I was, we'll be okay.

I just want to say thank you to everyone who sent us well wishes and concerns through this pregnancy right up to Anya's delivery. It has been an amazing journey, and now I am ecstatic to begin this new part of my life with my husband as we start our little family. I will keep you all updated along the way. : ) Now if you'll excuse me I probably have a diaper to change, and I definitely have a baby to snuggle.