Addendum to the Previous

I don't want to throw around threats or be vindictive because that doesn't solve the problem. And I want to actually fix the issue not just create new ones by being manipulative or witchy just to hurt him back. Because that's not the point for me. Our marriage has always been strong on the communication front so I want to nip this in the bud now before it causes a bigger problem later. I in no way want to "get back at him". I just need him to understand where I'm coming from so that we can work together and figure out the best resolution for his peace of mind and my feelings; not the solution that pleases his friends. Because what his friends want or think should not and does not matter when it comes to our marriage. Only we matter. And I need him to be the man that I married that thought that way, too, not the immature little boy he's letting them turn him into with their selfishness.

I should have his unconditional trust regardless of what it concerns. I am not cheating on him. I am not sneaking around behind his back. Our money went where, according to my best judgement, it needed to go. And if he can't take that for what it is, trust me, and let it go then we have a bigger problem than where I spent what while he was away. Nothing should ever be an excuse for him to point his finger in my face, raise his voice, and belittle me the way he did yesterday. Nothing. No money. No TV. No opinion any of his friends has about us. I will not take it.

He supposedly loves and married me for my strength of will and ability to make good decisions. I will never be a subservient kind of wife. He knows that is not how I am. And I never thought that was what he wanted, but if it is then we are at a crossroads because it will never happen. I will not be insulted by him over things like electronics that should be nowhere near as important as making me feel loved. If it's more important to him to yell at me over a TV and tell me how his friends think it should be between us than to actually concentrate on us, then we have nothing else to talk about. What happened to the guy who didn't give in to peer pressure? Because taking every word his friends are saying as golden truth is exactly that; especially when by doing so he is calling me a liar.

I didn't marry the man he was when he yelled at me over the web cam with his finger in my face. And if he promises me it won't happen again he'd better not break that promise. Not even once. Because I will not be a victim. I will not stay through any kind of abuse: emotional or verbal. Because those wounds though not visible are deeper than any bruise he could leave by smacking me across the face. And I don't have the mental strength to spend the rest of my life making excuses for his behavior no matter how much I love him. He needs to grow up. He needs to tell his friends to mind their own business. He needs to keep our business between us. And he needs to discuss things with me; not demand them from me or yell at me like I'm a lower ranked Marine. I am his wife. I will be treated the way he promised to treat me the day we were married. Because I have done absolutely nothing to deserve any lesser treatment from him. My heart cannot take it. And I will not tolerate it. Doing so would be letting myself down. I cannot emotionally afford to do that anymore. Not even for him. I will not spend my life fighting for my feelings to be more important than his friends' opinions. I shouldn't have to. That's a priority he should have already made when you said, "I do." So he has a choice to make.

I already know what that choice will be I just needed to get that all out. Things will be fine once we've talked and had a chance to tell him how this one argument has made me feel over the past couple of days. He has never been the kind to purposely invoke any kind of hurt towards me, and I know I'll probably make him feel pretty bad when I tell him all of this. More so even than I intend to. He might even cry from feeling guilty because he is not the kind of man to behave like this. And I have faith that knowing how I really feel about it will be a reality check that he hasn't had with being away from me for so long. I also know that once he's home things will be a little easier because all of the stresses of deployment, separation from me, and having only the opinions of immature little boys that like to call themselves Marines shoved down his throat 24/7 will be null and void, and we will actually be able to sit down and discuss it all without those outside influences in between twenty minute web cam snippets with each other. I just need to breathe. And I really just need to talk to him about it so that I can stop stressing about it.