Love & War

I spent most of the day with Ryan's family yesterday. They wished me farewell, and we talked for a while between lunch, a drive, and a baseball game. Today I was supposed to hang out with Dallon after he got out of school, but that exploded. Ryan has decided he is jealous. And I mean J-E-A-L-O-U-S of Dallon. He has no logical reason; he just is. It's a territory thing. I get it. Fine; whatever. But he had said before it was fine for me to hang out with Dallon because he knows it's not an issue he needs to worry about. So Dallon and I planned one last hang out before I leave. I was already out and about with Dallon when Ryan decided he was going to call me and go off about it. I told him we would talk about it when I got home and to chill in the meantime. Which was fine; until I laughed at something Dallon said that I found ironic right after Ryan had called me and was being all mopey on the phone. He proceeded to scream profanities at me and hang up on me.

Oh. Hell. No. You do not hang up on me. I don't play high school games. I don't do ignoring people when you're mad or with-holding the privileges of talking or I love you's by hanging up or not answering the phone. I don't play tit for tat. I don't play games. Period. So it was at that point, when I was already having Dallon drive me home early so I could deal with this against what I had hoped to do with my evening, that I made Dallon pull over in a parking lot so I could take care of it then. I left Dallon in the car and proceeded to pace the parking lot while reaming Ryan up one side and down the other for his immaturity on the issue. It wasn't the topic I was upset about, it was the way he handled it. He should know that after everything I've done for him and given up for him (Gladly so; I have no regrets.) that I would never do anything to hurt him, and for him to think so after all I've done really hurts me and insults my commitment to him. And to yell at me and make me miserable on the last evening I have with one of my few friends who cares enough to make that kind of time for me is low and crappy. And I will not tolerate that kind of behavior from a grown man who knows damn well how I feel about him.

He eventually conceded to being a jerk about it, but after being insulted that way I was still pretty peeved when I finally did get home. I've been trying to talk it out with him calmly now that we both got the yelling out of our system. I'm still slightly steamed, but I'm over the initial issue. I'm just trying to get over the hurt now. But having just received "flowers" in the form of cell phone picture mail helps. ^_^ It's definitely a picture from a book about flowers he found at the library on base since he can't send me the real thing. Every time he asks me to forgive him for something, I say, "I always do." And I do. Because I love him, and I know love isn't rational. I know we're going to have fights and disagreements. But the great thing about us: we always get through it. We always make up. And you can't beat a love that secure and that solid. I don't have to worry about it being over because we fight. Because I know when it's all said and done, we'll still be together, just as mushy and disgusting as before.