A Long Overdue Rant
I miss Ryan. A lot. Don't get me wrong, best friends like Kesha and Dallon are my sanity right now, but I just feel a bit lost when I don't have Ryan. I guess I would feel less lost if I were in a home Ryan and I already lived in, had school plans sorted out, and just had a better outlook on what's going to happen next. I'm tired of everyone pushing me around about school, work, and when to start a family. It's my life. Let me live it. If I'm making mistakes, then they are my mistakes to make and learn from in my own time.
In all honesty, I'm past done with the college student gig. I just want to get some semblence of an Associate's Degree in Graphic Design online so that I have something on paper that I'm qualified to do if, heaven forbid, I need to support myself and possibly children at some point in the future. But I'm dragging my feet on even that much. I'm just fed up with all of it. And I definitely want to do it online so that I don't have to have class times or a physical location that's mandatory for classes. Why? I want to start my family with Ryan.
Everyone wants me to wait until I'm done with school, but for what? I won't have any more in terms of money because I'll still be staying at home even with the degree. I want to be a stay-at-home wife and mother. Period. End of discussion. Waiting until I'm done with school will not affect my income. I'm also doing all of this online so I have the capability to complete my coursework and have a child at the same time. I don't intend to have a kid per year for the next four years or anything. I just want one for the time being. But I don't want to wait another 2+ years for that to happen. I can't, and I won't.
And the great part is, I have an amazing husband who wants to be able to support me and our child so that I won't have to work. I can do my schooling online at my pace and stay at home with our child. We both want that. And we both want it sooner rather than later. I don't have to have a college degree under my belt for Ryan to be proud of me or to love me in the wonderfully unconditional way that he does. He will love me just as much whether I finish school or not; whether I want to get a job or not. And, in reality, he would rather I not work. Neither one of us want kids raised in daycare. It's just not what we want for our children or our family. And if I'm willing to stay home, and he's willing to support that, why shouldn't we do it that way?
I realize a lot of people look down on the housewife gig now-a-days. Everyone expected me to graduate from high school, whiz through college, and become a lawyer or a doctor or the next CEO of some big company. I know I'm intelligent. I know I'm motivated. I know I'm capable. But it's not what I want. I would not be happy. I would be an overworked, miserable mess. I'm a nurturer. It's what I do. I'm one of those women that are just born to be mothers. And I'm not ashamed of that. And I'm tired of people trying to make me feel like I should be. Like having a child would ruin me and/or my life forever. Make me less marketable or become a huge inconvenience to all the things I could accomplish without kids. Newsflash: I don't want to accomplish anything else.
I'm sorry if you think that's sad or a waste of my potential, but that's just too bad. This is my life. And decisions regarding when I have children are up to me and my husband who supports me 100% in all that I do or don't do. And that kind of love and the faith we have in each other is all I need in my life right now. Keep your opinions. I'm done caring what everyone else wants for me. This is what I want for me. This is what my husband and I want for our family. Deal with it.
3 Comments:
It isn't that people look down on being a housewife these days (because let's face it, a lot of us girls wish we could stay home and be housewives). It is the fact that you can't be dependent these days. For all you know, he could leave you for another woman years down the road or what if something happened to him and he was out of work? What would you do? You have to think about these things before ending your college career.
Your family and friends care for you and they don't want you to be dependent on anyone. Trust me, I've seen a lot of women oh so in love to find out their husband left them for someone else and they had to education, no job, and their husband owned the house and cars.
You have to be prepared. It is sad, but true. Rely on no man for your happiness.
ouch... brandi. Well, I do agree that you should finish your college career, but hey .. you can have your child too :D it would just be harder, but you can do it! :)
although... you are young. only 20. i'm almost 24 and about to have my first child.
anyways, it's all up to you. but you just have to finish your college career, you never know what it down the road.
good luck! :)
I think the online schooling sounds like a good idea, especially if you want to have a kid while finishing that up.
My view is that you can do what you have the means to do. If you can make it, great. Granted, there's a lady my mom and I know who has five kids and she's a housekeeper at a hotel. :( Like I said, the choice is yours if you have the means for it. I've made my choice, and that's what works for me, so you should choose what works for you.
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