I don't know what to do.

Hey. This is really out of the blue, I know. I know I can't talk to you on the phone. You never have time for me anymore. There's always something or someone more important to you. But you said you'd always be here for me. I want to believe that.

Honestly? I really wish you were here right now. Just for an hour or two. Just to hold me while I cry and vent. Just to let me feel safe and loved; even if it's only for a moment. Because no one else can be you. Heh.

I don't know what to do anymore, Aaron. I don't. I'm so lost and confused. I feel like my entire life is going in the wrong direction; and I'm not just talking about us. I mean everything.

I feel so alone. And you are the only person who can make it all go away just by holding me. Maybe I'm just pathetic. Maybe I'm crazy for still loving you. I honestly wish I didn't. But wishing isn't going to make me stop. Because nothing else has.

I've tried everything. I've tried so hard to stop loving you. To be angry at you. To hate you. And I can't. I'm even talking to someone right now who is probably about to ask me to be his girlfriend. And I like him. I really do. And I thought I could move on from you if I found someone else I liked; not just someone to take your place.

But he's not you. My heart doesn't skip a beat when I see his name on my phone. The sound of his voice doesn't give me butterflies. The touch of his hand doesn't give me chills. And his embrace doesn't make me feel like the world around me is standing still.

I don't know what to do. I'm sorry for burdening you. But I can't keep it all inside anymore. I can't pretend I could just be with this boy and forget about you. Because I can't. I'm not even sure that I want to. I don't know what I want anymore.

I miss you.

And I love you.

And I know you'll probably send a two word response or none at all. Or you'll just act like nothing was said. And I'll be disappointed. But...I have to say it. Because I feel like I'm losing my mind without you.

I just wish I knew what to do. I just wish I could be with you. But wishing never made anything happen. Not for me. Maybe I should just accept that and get used to being miserable.

And I know it sounds like I'm trying to guilt trip you. I swear I'm not. I promise that is not my intention. I'm just...lonely. I just miss you. I'm sorry.

(Sent to Aaron on Facebook.)