Thanks A Lot

So after we got back to Greeneville from Johnson City we stopped by McDonald's. Some of Aaron's friends were there. And one of them said something about me having been with Aaron, and then followed it with, "Yeah, I heard that went south." -_-;; Great. Then he asks how long we were together. I say a year. He says, "Oh, that sucks." Yeah, it does. Kind of makes you feel like your whole world is falling apart around you. Like you'd rather jump off a cliff than live with the pain it causes. Thanks for bringing it up. Sheesh. At least his other friend was nice to me.

But now I really feel down. I've been starting to feel down for the past day or so, and I've been doing a pretty decent job of fighting it off. But that encounter with Aaron's friend has just demolished any attempt at holding myself together. I just want to cry. But at the same time I don't. Because it isn't going to do me any good. Crying isn't going to bring Aaron back. Crying isn't going to give me that love and romance back. Crying is only going to make me feel pathetic for wasting tears on someone who spent a year feeding me empty promises and lies. Why do I still have to love him so much? Why can't I hate him? I want to. Sometimes I think hating him would make the pain less.

But, no. He still means the world to me. So I want him in my life as a friend if nothing else. Why does loving someone have to hurt so much? Sometimes I even find it hard to draw breath because I'm in actual pain when I think about him. I miss him. I love him. And if his friend's attitude is any indication, he doesn't care at all. Great. I've been doing so well this past week. And now I'm falling apart. And the pathetic thing is, the only thing I want right now is Aaron here to hold me and tell me everything is okay. That he loves me. That it was all just a bad dream. That he isn't gone. But, to quote Avril Lavigne, "so much for my happy ending."