I Don't Understand

I don't understand how it could take him weeks to decide if he wants to be with me, when all I need is five minutes without him to know I can't stand it. Why do I always pick the ones who will break my heart? And why do I continue to hope and hold on when the writing is on the wall? Damn it, I love him so much. And he says it could take him weeks to figure out if he wants me as his girlfriend. I think I just want to die now and get it over with. It's better than weeks of pain prolonged by hoping only to have him break up with me when he finds some bimbo at ETSU that will satisfy him more than me. I hate my life. I hate myself for loving him when he obviously doesn't give a shit about me.