Feeling Better

I think all that crying I did yesterday got the initial shock of everything out of my system. I've been thinking, asking advice, and researching online about this situation. At first I was thinking about telling Aaron not to call me at all. So that he could have a certain amount of time for some unbiased thinking without my input. But then someone told me it might seem like I'm pushing him away and preparing for a break up. So I decided this. He still wants to be with me, but he needs time to sort himself out first to be fair to me. He wants to actually believe that he can give me forever before he says so to me. But he still wants me to be here for him. Even if in the end it is only as a best friend. He still needs me. He can talk to me. He needs that.

So I've thought about it, and now that I've gotten over my selfishness of making sure he knew how miserable I am every time he called, I know I just need to be here for him. I need to let him call when he needs to call. But I need to keep the relationship talk on the down low unless he brings it up. And I definitely need to cut out the depressing talk. What he needs right now is for me to be his best friend until he can decide if it's fair to me to ask for more. So that's what I'm going to do. No crying. No whining. He will know nothing about how miserable I am. I won't pretend I'm great. Because I don't want him to think I'm dandy without him when that isn't the case. But I won't keep acting like my life is over either. Because that just makes him feel like crap. He doesn't need that right now. He feels bad enough about this. But it's something he feels like he needs to do. And, honestly, he's doing it for me. For my benefit. I've been very selfish to ask him to stay and deal with it. To keep pretending everything is okay. So no more. I'm just going to support him through this. And when he makes his decision, I will still be his best friend either way. I'm just hoping that I can add girlfriend onto that title again, as well.