T-T

I know what you're all going to say. "I told you so." Well, DON'T. I don't want to hear it. I was contemplating taking away the commenting ability for this entry. But instead I will say this: I DON'T want to hear I told you so. I DON'T want to hear that it is the end. I DON'T want to hear that I should get out and consider it over. I DON'T want to hear any of it. So if anything you have to say is along those lines, keep it to yourself. I don't need that right now. Right now I need that shred of hope. Of naivete. I NEED it. DON'T you dare take it away from me. I don't care who you are or what you think you know. If you can't respect this one thing, then maybe you don't need to have access to this journal.

Basically, Aaron and I had a nice chat this evening after almost getting into a fight about prom plans for Friday. I told him how I felt like we weren't passionate about each other anymore, and that we never talked anymore. Then he dropped the bomb on me. He brought up the break stuff again. Only this time, he didn't back down. He didn't take no for an answer. He's still going to call me every morning to make sure I get up. Not because I asked him to. Because he wants to. He's still going to call me once during the day, and he's still going to come over on Sundays. AND I'm still going to prom with him. We are not seeing other people. It still counts as time in our relationship. We're still "together" technically. I asked him all of these questions so I knew where I stood.

No one else is going to know about it. Not my parents, my friends offline that don't have access to this journal, or my coworkers. I don't want to deal with the "it's over" speeches right now. I want to hold onto what hope I have for us. He says that no matter what, I'm the one he wants to marry. I'm the one he wants to be with. He just needs some downtime to get situated with figuring out what he wants from life as far as he goes. College, career, graduating from high school, etc. I understand that. But it still hurts like a bitch.

Heh. He's called me back twice already to tell me he still loves me, and that I'd better get some sleep. I know he cares about me. I still can't believe this just happened to us. We've been falling apart ever since that fight about him flirting with girls at a play. He wants to have some time to not have me like he does now. To miss me. To want me the way he did before that fight. God I hope this works. Because if it doesn't, I don't know what I'll do. I already feel like my heart is being ripped out. And things aren't even really changing that much from how they've been recently. But we're still calling it a "break". And that's enough. That's enough to keep me crying for the rest of the night.

But I promised Aaron I would try to sleep. So I'm going to try.