Yay and Not So Yay

This entry is a mixture of emotions. w00t. First off, Aaron DID get to come over on Sunday. : D Later than usual, but his foster parents finally relented when they had other things to do and needed somewhere for him to be. XD They are just 'tards. I hate them. But at least he got to see me! Wee~

Now for the not so yay portion of this entry. This is the stuff I didn't want to talk about in an earlier entry, but I decided, since when have I worried about what other people thought of what I have to say? I usually just say it. I just don't like hurting feelings. But, ya' know, sometimes the truth hurts. And I'm to the point where people aren't afraid to make me feel like shit on purpose so why should I be worried if what I say hurts someone when it's seriously the way I feel. I don't mean what I say as insults or as tit-for-tat junk. I say it 'cause it's what's on my mind. So deal with it. And if you don't like it, don't read it. Not hard to hit that back button and just forget about it. Flaming will only result in being removed from my friends list. I don't have the time, energy, or patience to put up with drama. And I won't do it.

For those of you who e-mailed me, this is basically the same thing I sent you, so no sense in rereading. I also posted it on a message board I frequent for advice, so that's what it sounds so general, and that's why I explained everything to the extremes. But feel free to add your two cents. : ) Those who haven't read this, settle in for a nice long read.

Megan used to be the most awesome friend and THE best friend I have ever had. For the first time I wasn't walked on or taken advantage of. Someone sacrificed for me just as I sacrificed for them. We were always together, and we never fought. Not once. We enjoyed a lot of the same things, and what we didn't share interest in we didn't torture each other with. We would always randomly decided to go places and do things. It was awesome. For a while. Then she changed.

Last summer she took a trip with some other kids from school to Europe for 18 days. While she was gone I got my first job at McDonald's. When she came back I didn't notice any change. But due to my work schedule and the fact that she hand band camp right after the Europe trip kept us from hanging out any until school was about to start. Right before school started I began dating a fellow McDonald's employee who was only the second boyfriend I had ever had and the boy that I'm madly in love with today with plans to marry in a few years when we're sure that everything's going to work out.

Meg and I hung out less, but she still seemed to be the same. She liked Aaron, my boyfriend, and they even went to see horror movies together when I was too busy to hang out since I wouldn't want to see horror films. They shopped together for my Christmas gifts and even went in together on new wireless DDR mats for one of my gifts. I felt like the luckiest girl in the world with the best friend ever and a boyfriend who actually loved me, both of which got along like friends.

But Megan had started hanging out with other people when I was unavailable. The more I had to work, the more Meg hung out with them. Sometimes she would even cancel plans with me to hang out with them. I was hurt but I let it go. I told myself Meg was the best friend I'd ever had, and I wasn't going to let her go that easily.

But things have only gotten worse since December. She seems to hate Aaron now. She hangs out with other people more than ever, and she has become very self-absorbed. She doesn't sacrifice anymore. If she wants to do something, we have to do it regardless of what I want or she'll be pissy. She wants everything her way when she wants it, how she wants it. And she demands it be that way. She doesn't ask. She doesn't bend. She seems to think she deserves for everything to be the way she wants it to be.

I don't have a car so sometimes when we hang out I ask her if she minds stopping by McDonald's to see Aaron when he is working. (I only get to see him one day each weekend because neither of us drive, and we live an hour apart on opposite ends of the county. But we both worked at McDonald's in the town halfway between our houses. I don't work there anymore so I see him even less.) Being the kind of friend I am who sacrifices way more than I probably should for people, I would let her go and stay as long as she wanted. If her boyfriend was on break, I would let her stay the whole thirty minutes. (She doesn't have a boyfriend, by the way.) But I'm usually only allowed a few minutes before she makes me leave, and she complains from the second we walk in the door.

Also, she is my only ride to an anime club at my college every Wednesday. Twice she has tried to leave me standing at the college with no ride so she could hang out with other people. Once was this past week. Spring Break for her so she had all day to hang out with others. I was mad. She said it was just an anime club and not that big of a deal. BUT to me it is a big deal. I'm an officer in the club. I made a commitment. She made a commitment to be my ride. And it apparently means nothing to her to leave me standing somewhere if it's more convenient or fun for her to do so. And I was pissed off. I told her how I felt about it. That she had no respect for someone else's dependence on her as long as she got her way.

I'm done trying. I tried to fix things between her and Aaron. I tried to talk to her about her behavior and how I felt about it. She says she understands...then continues to do it more and more. I've been in one too many friendships that I worked my ass off to save. They all ended in failure because I wasn't cool enough anymore. Or I didn't do everything they asked anymore. They didn't need me anymore. I refuse to do it again. I gave it the good old college try. And I'm done. If she calls me, fine. I'll talk to her. If she wants to hang out one day, I'll consider it. (I do the same for my other ex-best friends. And we're better off now than as friends. We know we have someone to talk to if we need it.) But I withdraw my friendship. I will not try to reconcile. I will not try to hang out or contact her. I'm done.

( If you read this far, you deserve a giant cookie. *gives you a cookie* Thanks. ^-^ )

And on top of all that mess, Meg canceled going to Tokyo with me. Which means she loses her almost $500 deposit. AND Mom and I will have to pay more per person now. At first, we thought it was only going to be about $100 more per person. But come to find out it could be a couple hundred dollars more. Which is not doable for me. She may have caused me to lose my dream trip that I have worked my ass of for. And I don't want her to go anymore. I haven't for about the past month actually, with all the crap going on with her. But she never should have committed if she thought even for a second that she wouldn't go. And I feel like she should make up the difference my mother I don't have the money to pay since her cancellation is the cause. But she won't. And I'm not selfish enough to ask it of her. I'll manage somehow. I'll do everything I can to keep my plans for the trip intact. Wish me luck. I think I might need it.

I now expect the feces to hit the rotating cooling device.

In other words, I expect drama. *sigh* Might as well prepare myself.