Questions

I find myself asking so many questions in my head lately that they all drown each other out. I can't think straight. I can't answer them honestly. There are so many different ideas, thoughts, and questions that I can't seem to grasp firmly. So I'm going to write them down. Here. And hopefully, one day in the near future, I can answer them. Maybe even some of them can be answered now.


1) Do you really want to live in a country where you are a minority and you can't understand the language?

2) Even if you do learn the language, and fluently, would you still want to live in Japan?

3) Away from everything you know? Will it really be that great?

4) If Aaron doesn't like Japan or for some reason cannot go to Japan with you, would you go without him or stay in the United States to be with him?

5) Maybe visit Japan instead?

6) Or break it off with Aaron?

7) Which means more to you?

8) Which is more important to your happiness now and in the future?

9) If you did stay in the United States, where would you live?

10) What would you do?

11) Do you have a backup plan if Japan falls through?

12) Could you still incorporate your fascination with Japan into a career here in the States?

13) Why the fascination with Japan?

14) Beyond music and fashion, what do you have in common with the people there?

15) What makes you think that a life in Japan would be more to your liking than one in the United States?

16) What would make a life in the States better?

17) How do you feel you treat Aaron now?

18) What big things could you do to make your relationship better?

19) What small things could you do?

20) Anything that bothers you about his part in the relationship?

21) What can you do about it?

22) What don't you like about yourself?

23) What big things can you do to change that?

24) What small things can you do?

25) What are you just going to have to deal with about yourself?

26) How can you better come to terms with and deal with those things?

27) What are some things you want to accomplish in the next month?

28) The next six months?

29) The next year?

30) Are they really priorities, or can some of them be dropped?

31) How can you be sure to accomplish the ones that are priorities?

32) How can you reward yourself so you don't feel burned out?

33) How can you better manage your time between school, work, internet, Aaron, friends, and other hobbies?

34) What can you do to lessen your financial stress?

35) To manage your finances better?

I'm sure there are more that I will come up with later on.

If I do, I'll add them to this list.


4) If Aaron doesn't like Japan or for some reason cannot go to Japan with you, would you go without him or stay in the United States to be with him?

I would stay with him. Hands down.

5) Maybe visit Japan instead?

That's a reasonable compromise, I think.

6) Or break it off with Aaron?

Never.

7) Which means more to you?

Aaron.

8) Which is more important to your happiness now and in the future?

Aaron. Without him, Japan would mean nothing to me. I wouldn't be happy there knowing I wasn't going to be with him for the rest of my life. I'd become an old cat lady in Tokyo. Alone. Aaron is definitely the most important person in my life right now. He makes me happy. Happier than the dream of living in Tokyo, even.

17) How do you feel you treat Aaron now?

I feel like I'm only nice to him whenever I'm in the mood to be. Otherwise I snap at him a lot more than I should. And I make him do all the things I want to do without a second thought to any of his wants. I don't know when I got so bossy with him. Or so inconsiderate of his feelings. Just because he's male doesn't mean he hasn't got emotions or feelings. Gah.

18) What big things could you do to make your relationship better?

Let him make his own decisions. Tell him what you think in a non-pushy way. Advise him, but do not direct him. He's a big boy. He can take care of himself for the most part. If he makes a mistake, you can be there to console him and help him get back on track. And vice versa. Be proud of him no matter what. Defend him when he needs defending. Let him know every day that you love him and always will. Don't be so overly jealous when he talks about his female friends or when around his or your female friends. Let it go. You trust him don't you? Thought so. Then act like it. He isn't John. He isn't going to do that to you. Give him the chance to show you that he's loyal without your reprimands.

19) What small things could you do?

Do some of the things he wants to do, as long as the give and take remains so and not just give on my part even if it is all take on my part right now. Don't want to be unhappy because I'm only doing for him. Catch myself before snapping at him. Think: is this something that really needs to be said? And if so rephrase it and use a nicer tone. If not, drop it. And don't bring it back up later.