I Want to Go Home

I feel so out of it today. I keep mishearing people, or not hearing them at all. Like they're speaking a different language. I ache all over. It hurts to even walk down the hallway. I hope I'm not getting sick AGAIN. I think I would just shoot myself and get it over with. Geh. (Okay not really, but I thought I'd clear it up for those of you who don't understand exaggeration.) T-T I feel like poo.

I have a headache the size of China. And that, my friends, is a big headache.

On top of that I feel strangely overwhelmed. For some reason all of the things going on in my life just seem to overpower me as I am right now. I need to go home tonight and get organized.

Today was the first day of my new class, Color Theory, but all we did was go over the syllabus. I already went to JC with my mom at lunch to get the supplies for the class so tomorrow will be more like the first day. I'm going to have it together for this one. No more last minute homework, no more not doing homework, no more going into tests thinking I might be prepared and hoping for the best. I will do well and be organized in the process!

When it comes to work, I need to stop letting myself have lulls like I've had today. I would've asked for something to do today, but I feel so pooish I thought it better to wait until I could actually understand any instructions I would be given. ^_^;; But anywho, aside from my daily data entry I need to start asking for projects when none are given to me. If I sit around surfing the internet for hours at a time each day I'm eventually going to get caught and get in some serious trouble. I feel so guilty when I do it, too. ;-; I mean, checking my e-mail or a website or two during a lull for fifteen minutes is not such a big deal. Everyone here does that. But for hours? Unacceptable. I'm ashamed of myself.

Health. This is the doozy. I recently bought a book on the Japanese diet and lifestyle. This is not a diet thing. It's a lifestyle thing. Aaron has really made me think about the way I live. I eat nothing but junk food. No veggies, next to no fruit, and almost no meat unless I go out to eat. Just pure carbs and prepackaged stuff full of sodium. If I don't change things, this is going to kill me. I have no doubt about that. It's the way I've eaten for years. And that has to be taking a toll on my body, which is weak as it is. Not too mention the lack of physical activity to counter the eating habits. I do nothing but sit on my arse all day long. Whether it's at work, in class, or at home. And I need to start doing SOMETHING, ANYTHING to get some movement and lose some flab.

Not that I'm fat or anything. I know that. But being less flabby would help me feel better about myself. And that's something I've been striving for for years. But I never follow through. Hopefully this will not be another failed attempt. I'm going to start out slow by making myself DDR for twenty minutes, or more if I get caught up in the game, at least three to four times a week if not every day. Pretty much every day that I don't have homework I need to be DDRing. What else do I do but work on website stuff? It will still be there when the DDRing is done. Must get some movement. At least I always take the stairs at work, no matter how many floors I'm going up or down. I refuse to be so lazy as to take the elevator in a measly four-story building. That's something I've got going for me.

Anywho, back to the Japanese idea. My mother read the book already even though I bought it for myself on Friday. ^_^;; She's super-speedy-like with the reading. She thinks it would be awesome if I wanted to use Japanese food to eat better. She's already a rice and veggie connoisseur so she wouldn't mind eating that way at all. She'd actually get some excitement in her diet if she used Japanese recipes. So I'm going to start eating Japanese food for lunch and dinner every day during the week and probably on the weekends except for family dinners during which I will eat Japanese-style portions. I'm cutting out the restaurant foods except for every now and again. I already cut my soda intake down by more than half. AND I'm going to stop the snacking on candy and crackers full of fatness and butteriness. Must stop. This is about my health, not only now but also in the future. I treat here and there won't matter. I'm not going to completely deny myself, otherwise I would fall off of this new plan in a week. That's been the stopping point before. I won't restrict myself to only Japanese food, I just plan on using it as my main staple seeing as I will get many more nutrients and veggies this way. When I opt for American style meals, I will chose more carefully and/or eat in smaller portions. Cut out the junk. The end. Wish me luck.

And I feel like I'm falling behind in online stuff again, even though I know I'm not. I have Friday off so I'll probably spend it working on internet stuff I really am behind on.

The one thing I'm feeling good about is Aaron. I did some thinking about him today during the lull. He is amazing. More amazing than I give him credit for. Sure he has his moments, but everyone does. I know I have more than my fair share, and he puts up with them for some reason I'm not sure of. How he does it, I don't know. I couldn't. I would've already bitch-slapped myself and kicked my ass to the curb. XD But he wouldn't do that to me. Because he sees past my little idiosyncrasies. He loves me with or without them. He's there for me no matter what. And I've never had that before. Not even from my parents. He doesn't judge me. He doesn't berate me. He supports me. He advises me when he thinks I'm in the wrong rather than making me feel like an idiot. My own family has never given me that much.

I'm the luckiest girl in the world to have Aaron in my life. And I thank God for setting up the chain of events that brought him to me, and I to him. The car wreck. The drive of saving for my Tokyo trip on my own. The lack of employment for six months that led me to the last resort of working fast food. Knowing the girl who works at McDonald's and was able to recommend me for my first job there. Rejecting the job at the McDonald's on the Boulevard for the one on the main highway. And then meeting Aaron. And his courage to write me a little note on receipt paper asking for a call from "the cute girl on the register". The rest, as they say, is history. Eight months may not seem long for some people, but I've never been with anyone that long. I've never trusted anyone the way I do Aaron. I've never felt like I could be myself with anyone but Aaron. And being with him is the most awesome, wonderful, safe, wanted, and loved I have felt in my life. I love you, Babe.

Less than an hour to go before I'm homeward bound.