The Glass is Half Full

I've been thinking. Never a good thing for me, ne? ^_^;; Anywho, I have been thinking about how a lot of my entries lately are all of the bad things about Aaron and me. And I feel like I'm blowing things way out of proportion and making you guys think the wrong thing about him. I've made some good entries, but not nearly enough. It's just that I type more when I'm upset about something, which is a lot due to my bipolarness. Bleh. So I have decided to stop thinking so darn much about the bad things. I'm not going to let myself get walked all over like a cheap rug, but Aaron would NEVER do that to me no matter how I've made it sound.

I should think more about the good things, too. If something really bothers me, I'll speak up. But I just need to let some things go or be less condescending when I let him know about them. He doesn't deserve the shit I give him most of the time. I should, and do, appreciate him for what he is: wonderful. I've never felt more loved or accepted by anyone EVER. Not even family. Not friends. Just Aaron. He understands me in a way no one else will. And vice versa. He gives me so much, and all I can do in return is pick out the bad things and twist them into this huge deal.

Guess you can't really blame me. I've been through a lot of crap when it comes to other people. They ALWAYS let me down. So I start looking for the bad things right away to avoid getting too caught up to get out if I don't see the bad things until much later. But Aaron is not those people. And I need to get that through my head already. Gah! >_<;; I know better. I know that he is the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I don't know what I would do if I ever lost him.

So I must work harder to stop being so damn negative about everything in my life. I used to be so optimistic. Until all of the crap that has happened in the past four years came my way. Everything turned 'glass half empty'. My image of not only myself but of others. And while I don't want to be naive like that again, I would like to be a little more optimistic about other people. And definitely about myself. But Aaron already helps me with that. He loves me the way I am. Why, I don't know. But I do know that I don't ever want him to stop.

He's one of those rare guys that doesn't care to say he loves me twenty times IN FRONT of his FRIENDS. How many guys will actually do that? He does everything he can to make me happy. If he talks to me on the phone and has even an inkling that I may be upset about something he gets off the phone and waits a few minutes. He knows that when I'm upset I hide it until we get off of the phone and then I break down in tears. So he calls me back at random times after that because he knows he'll catch me crying. Then he makes me tell him what's wrong. And he comforts me. If I say nothing is wrong, he says he knows me better than that. And he's right.

He drops everything to spend time with me. He will stay up later or get up earlier to call me if I want to talk to him, and I have something else to accomplish before I can do so. He sacrifices so much for me. For us. And I don't think I've ever told him how much I appreciate all that he does for me. It's about time that I told him about the good things more often and stopped thinking about the bad so much. No relationship is perfect. We are going to fight. We are going to get on each other's nerves sometimes. But that's just part of it. And I am more than willing to spend my life with him getting through the rough spots. He's worth it and then some. He is amazing. Just so you guys know that he's not this horrible monster of a boyfriend because of my past entries. Because he is anything but. And now you know.