Clarification
I think you guys were looking too much at the isolated incident from yesterday's entry. It was just one of many things that were "my fault" throughout the day. It was just one example of the overboard way he reacts to everything. Whether the situation is really my fault or not, he twists it so that he can say it's all my fault for being "wrong" or "stupid". Everything. Every day. All day.
I try my best to stay away from him. To stay in my room so I don't have to worry about saying the wrong thing or doing something the wrong way. I'm afraid to breathe in this house. I get into trouble for everything that happens. If the house is messy, it's my fault even if I was at a friend's house for the last three days. I magically made it dirty while I was over there somehow. If my dog gets sick it's my fault. Because I didn't watch him well enough. The dog has a delicate stomach. He breathes the wrong way, and he gets sick. And of course, that's my fault, too.
If something happens to me at school, say someone tries to start drama. (This is more of an example from when I was in high school. Doesn't really apply anymore.) He finds a way to make the entire thing my fault. EVERY TIME. That's why I was so irked by yesterday morning's incident. Yes, I overslept. Yes, I need to fix that. I KNOW that. And if I have to be somewhere like school or work, even if I oversleep an hour I'm always ready on time anyway. Sunday was just a car ride to pick up Aaron. I don't even remember the alarm going off, nevermind me turning it off and going back to sleep. It should not have been that big of a deal.
But my dad has to always remind me when I do something wrong. How much of an inconvenience I am to everyone with each and every thing that I do. And I'm tired of it. This has been getting steadily worse over the past three or four years. I'm getting to the end of my rope. It's getting harder to ignore his crap. I don't want to be around him anymore. I came to the conclusion that I don't really love my dad the way I used to way before yesterday's incident. I didn't use that as my reason for the hatred I tend to feel toward him now-a-days. That's something that's been building up each and every time he puts me down when he's supposed to be supporting me. I just want out.
4 Comments:
Sometimes parents will do that to ya. I guess that's why kids leave the nest, the parents drive them nuts. Lol. I remember your dad doing that crap to you, as well. :( I hope everything works out for the better. =\
Your dad is a perfectionist. What you may not realize is that he is just as hard on himself as he is you. I don’t think that he is acting this way to be mean. Like I said before, I'm not defending his actions. I am simply trying to illustrate what may be occurring.
For example, with the house being messy. He isn't mad because he thinks that you made the mess. He is upset because he feels that you are not doing your part to help around the house. Start doing little things without being asked and see what kind of reaction you get. I guarantee that he will notice (and in a good way).
Another example, with your dog getting sick . . . it is true that to some extent it is out of your control, but he is also right that maybe you should be more vigilant. My cat, Bristol, has an eating disorder. He simply will keep eating until he vomits in his bowl. He is my cat. My responsibility. And I did feel that it was my fault when he got sick. I took action. He eats for a limited amount of time now. For the most part, that solved the problem. I think that your dad simply wants you to do what you can to curb your dog's sickness. Correlate when he gets sick with how much/what he eats. It can make a difference.
And lastly, the high school drama . . . men have issues when women vent about their problems. It probably went something like this . . . you would describe your situation, he would come up with a few possible solutions, you would shoot them down because you thought they wouldn't work, and then he would get frustrated with you. Am I close? Men are problem solvers. They don't understand that sometimes we just need to talk about what is bothering us. This also stems from him wanting you to be a responsible, mature adult. Really, he only wants you to be able to work out interpersonal conflicts on your own instead of just feeling overwhelmed by them.
I firmly believe that he has good intentions. He wants you to be successful as an adult and he is trying to prepare you the best that he can. He obviously doesn't know how this is affecting you. When things are light-hearted around the house you may want to try having a heart-to-heart. No pointing fingers!! It will only make him defensive. He needs to know how you feel or else he won't know that what he does is hurting you.
I love you and I hope that you take the advice that I give to heart. And if you take offense to anything I've said please know that I'm just trying to be your friend . . . I want my experiences to be used for something good and helping you avoid the mistakes I've made along the way is a great place to start.
Jennifer: Thing is, I DO do stuff around the house without being asked. I clean the bathroom weekly without being reminded. I do the dishes without being asked. Sometimes I do a load of laundry. But when I do those things, he finds something wrong with the way I do them. Like no matter how hard I try, it's never going to be enough. No thank you. No good job. Just more put downs.
And about the drama thing, he never offered solutions. All he did was say stuff about how I did something stupid or wrong. And I'm not exaggerating when I use those words. He didn't try to help. He only made me feel like I couldn't talk to him about anything without it becoming my fault that something happened to me.
Things will never be light-hearted enough for me to talk to him. He will only get in my face and yell. Once when I had one of my depression-era breakdowns, I left the room so he wouldn't see me. He followed me, yelled at me for doing it to get my way, picked me up and shook me while yelling in my face. Um, no. Not going to happen ever again.
While I hear what you are saying, it doesn't fit my dad. You know him, but not like I know him. He doesn't try to help. Not anymore. He's not the same dad I had mere years ago. All he ever does is put down the person I have become. And I'm tired of trying to tune him out. I used to take everything he said to heart, and it contributed a lot to the depression I experienced during that time. I don't let him get to me that way anymore. I'm just tired of dealing with it.
It is okay honey soon you can come be with me. When I get my pimp apartment. Just remember I am here for you...
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