I Feel Strangely...Alone

I should be happy. I should feel like the luckiest girl in the world. But all I feel is stressed...and alone. Aaron spoils me with material things, though I ask for none of it, and I know he loves me. But all he ever wants to do when he's with me is sleep, make out, or play on my computer while I sit and twiddle my thumbs. At least that's what it feels like. And we only see each other once a week. Luckily this weekend we get both days. But guess where he is right now? Playing video games in my brother's room while I'm sitting in here attempting to entertain myself. Grr! >_< If I tell him that I'm upset, though, he'll just lecture me and make me feel like shit. So you know what? Screw it. I think I'll just do my homework and go to bed. When he gets bored with the game, he can just find some way to entertain himself.

I think more than anything I'm just afraid that now that he's been with me for six months and knows how my depression can hit without a moment's notice...I'm afraid that he's falling out of love with me. That he's staying with me for principle more than love. And that scares me so much. I need him. I need him to love me. But sometimes I get scared that he doesn't anymore. Maybe it's just my depression kicking in, and I'll be fine in a few moments. Maybe it's just one of my bad days. God, I hope so. I don't know what I would do if he stopped loving me. Be alone, I guess. I was prepared to live alone before him. What's so different now? Guess I've just grown dependant. Damn me and my habit of wearing my heart on my sleeve.