I Feel Like Poo

And that pretty much sums it up. I finally started at McDonald's this week. And I do like it, but it's also a major stressor. I'm tired. I'm paranoid I'm going to do something wrong. And because of that paranoia, I dread work. Once I get there, the paranoia kind of disappears. O-o But when evening comes, I think about having to work the next day, and my stomach ties itself in knots. Like right now. >_<;; I don't know why I'm so nervous. If I've done okay the past couple of days, what would make the coming days so bad? But I'm ever the pessimist when it comes to what could go wrong. I'm happy to have a job, and I'm happy to be making money for my Tokyo trip. But I'm not happy with the nerves that are deciding to make my life Hell because of said job.

I have accomplished next to nothing in the past week or so. Over two weeks of the Summer are over, and I hardly did anything. It seems like as soon as I wake up, it's time to go back to bed. I hate that. I've been doing stuff for my Chieco Kawabe shrine, but I haven't done as much with it as I've wanted to. I haven't done anything related to scholarships or learning Japanese. I never seem to be able to keep a workout routine. Something always interferes, from my own laziness to dinner with the grandparents. Grr. And I want so badly to lose the flab. ;_; But I don't know what to do. I miss Meg. And I would like to sleep, but I can't because I know going to sleep means waking up to work tomorrow. Someone shoot me. (And no I don't mean that literally. Never know what kind of sick, twisted fate will bring a guy with a gun to my doorstep because I typed that statement. -_-;;) Wednesday is my last day of work. Maybe I can use Thursday through Saturday to recompose myself and bring back that happiness that my last entry was full of. I hope so.

EDIT @ 10:06PM:
My dog is really sick. He's been acting strange the past couple of days. I won't go into detail about his symptoms because some of them are a bit gross, but I'm worried. He's always been sick for one reason or another throughout his life. And each time something happens I'm terrified that he'll die. And I love him so much. I NEED that dog. We had to put him in a kennel in the garage tonight for certain reasons which I again cannot go into. I can't sleep without him. (If someone else is with me, like at a friend's or something I'm fine. But when I'm alone, I can't sleep without Kieran. And I have to work tomorrow. ;_;) I hope he'll be okay. Dad's taking him to the vet tomorrow after he takes me to work. I wish I could go with them. I hate myself for leaving him in the garage over night when he's been coming to me for comfort and practically trying to lay in me at night because he's so scared and doesn't know what's going on. And I've abandoned him to the garage. And I won't be with him when Dad finds out what's wrong with him. I feel horrible. I'm like his mother. I love that dog. Please let him be okay. Something happening to him would kill me.