Unattainable Dream of Mine

This has been on mind a lot for a long time, but recently it has really began to bug me. My dream to be a singer...an actress...a dancer...a model. Basically the definition of what a Japanese idol does. ALL OF IT. Not just one of the categories, but all of them. But I'll never achieve that in America, nevermind a country in which I would be foreign trying to be one of them with my music. And I want it so badly. But that doesn't seem to matter. There are hundreds of people that want to break into the American music industry, and most of them never make it. What would ever make me so special? And I know the only way I would even have the slightest chance of breaking into the market in Japan, and also Korea, would be if I made it big in America first.

But I gave up on that ever happening months ago. That doesn't mean that I don't still want it, though. I spend so much of my time alone imagining I'm on the set of a music video or on a stage...or even doing photoshoot poses I would use as an Asian pop artist in my dresser mirror. I know that's sad, but it's the truth. I know I don't fit the standards when it comes to looks for such a job. But that doesn't matter to me. And I'm no Amy Lee or Ayumi Hamasaki, but...I'm good. And I want it so much. Though if I have to be honest, I'd rather be a singer in Japan and Korea than anywhere else. Though I would feel really good releasing American stuff just to say : P to all those people that tell me I'll never make it. But they're right. I won't make it. There are no opportunities. I can't really start a band, though my friends and I have tried. I don't know anything about writing music no matter how good my lyrics may be so I can't even have a tune for those words. I live in the Boonies. The closest place with anything music related is Nashville. Home of country. O-o; I think not. Haha. Though I know they do other stuff, too. One of my favorite artists is signed under Curb Records there, and she's a pop singer.

But to even be considered there I need a demo. How the Hell do I make a demo if I can't write music or have anyone to play the instruments that know how and how to read music or without anyone to at least write the music with my input? (Although Meg can play the drums. : D We came up with five notes for some of my lyrics one time. ^_^; Never made it past that.) I can't help but feel that if by some miracle I could just get that demo and put together one of those kits to send to some record companies, I'd have some sort of a shot of making it. I want to have that hope. But without the prospect of any kind of demo...that hope is kind of shot down. I'm off to daydream about being a singer in Japan...or maybe Korea. Those daydreams are all I'm ever going to have. Might as well enjoy them.