I Thought I was Prepared

But I was wrong. Not to mention I wasn't preparing for the right situation. It's been weeks since Ryan talked to John. John never said a word to me. For the past week or so I've pretty much accepted that John is no longer interested, and I've been coming to terms with that. I was on the verge of being okay. I had realized that John and I weren't going to happen again even if I did love him. And that one day I'd love someone else just as much. Someone who'd love me back...hopefully.

But that still didn't prepare me for today. When John was holding hands with his new girlfriend in the hallway. Ouch does not even begin to describe it. I wanted to cry. All the work I'd done putting up the walls against him for the past two weeks came crashing down when I realized he belonged to someone else. Maybe even loved someone else. Unfortunately I never got my alone time to get that cry over with so I'm just waiting for something small to set me off sometime in the near future.

There had been times before where I thought he had a girlfriend. But I never saw him holding hands with another girl or anything that concrete as evidence of a new girlfriend. It's pathetic that we've been separated for two years, and I'm still jealous...and upset. Thank God Summer is only days away. At least I won't have to try to get over this while watching them together. I can use the Summer to come to terms with everything and hopefully be okay by next school year. I've been planning on using the summer to dive into everything Japanese that I can, and this just gives me even more of an excuse. Japan is just around the corner for me, and that's what I need to think about. Not a boy that won't matter when I'm halfway around the world in a few years. I CAN get through this. And I WILL. I will.