Or Not

I think he has a girlfriend. Didn't think it would be that hard to see him with someone else. Part of me was relieved that I didn't have to face rejection by asking him how he felt about me, but an even bigger part of me is disappointed that I don't even have that chance. Oh well. I was expecting the worst anyway. At least this way I don't have to face the humiliation by asking and being shot down. I can just know by the fact that he's with someone else. At least, I think he is. It shocks me to realize a part of me wants it all to be in my head. The other girl. That part of me wants to believe he's not seeing anyone else and still cares about me. When will I ever get over him? Will I ever get over him? It's been almost two years, and I still think about him every day. I'm so pathetic.



In your final kiss
I could taste the flavor of tobaco.
It was a bitter and painful smell.

At about this time tomorrow
I wonder where you'll be.
I wonder who you'll be thinking of.

You are always gonna be my love.
Even if someday, you fall in love with someone else.
I'll remember to love.
You taught me how.
You are always gonna be the one.
For now, it's still a sad love song.
Until I can sing a new one.

The time which has stopped
Is about to start again.
It's just that there are things I don't want to forget.

At about this time tomorrow
I'm sure I'll be crying.
And I'll probably be thinking of you.

You will always be inside my heart
Because it's a place that will forever be your's alone.
I hope that I have a place in your heart, too.
Now and forever you are still the one.
For now, it's still a sad love song.
Until I can sing a new one.

You are always gonna be my love.
Even if someday, you fall in love with someone else.
I'll remember to love.
You taught me how.
You are always gonna be the one.
It's still a sad love song.
Now and forever.

-"First Love" Utada Hikaru




I sit in my room
watching love stories on TV
and feeling sorry for myself.
Trying to escape this reality.
My reality of being alone,
of being without you.

The thought of never hearing you say,
"I love you," again is hard for me to grasp.
A small light of hope lingers
in the darkness of my broken heart.
Hating myself for losing you.
Hating you for leaving me here alone.
Always hoping, wishing, wanting, needing
you to come back and wipe these unshed tears
of bitterness from the place in my heart
that will never stop loving you.

I lie awake at night
telling myself I don't need you
as I cry myself to sleep.
Thinking of all the mistakes
we made. I made.

The thought of never hearing you say,
"I love you," again is hard for me to grasp.
A small light of hope lingers
in the darkness of my broken heart.
Hating myself for losing you.
Hating you for leaving me here alone.
Always hoping, wishing, wanting, needing
you to come back and wipe these unshed tears
of bitterness from the place in my heart
that will never stop loving you.

-"Unshed Tears" Me