I Am Me

I'm sick and tired of trying to please everyone else. I'm tired of having to put what I want on the back burner while rushing forward to make sure everyone else has what they want. When is it my turn? When do I get to be who I want to be? Do what I want to do? My own mother is embarrassed of the way I dress because it's not just like everyone else. I have a Japanesy style, and I don't look like every other preppy airhead you see walking down the street. She wants to show me off like a freakin' doll at her graduation tomorrow, and she got mad at me and started trying to guilt trip when I wouldn't wear her preppy clothes. She said, "I don't want you to look slobby while everyone else looks nice." According to her my converses are 'slobby' and my favorite skirt is 'slobby and ugly.' Well, mum, I've stopped caring what everyone thinks. I've stopped caring what they whisper to each other as I walk by just because I'm different. And you shouldn't care either. You should be proud of me for standing up for myself and being my own person. For being interested in another culture so much that I would go as far as dressing like the pictures I see in Japanese magazines. But no. You'd rather I look like everyone else around here. My fascination with Japan is something you like to brag about, and then the second it comes down to what I wear each day and the music I listen to, you're embarrassed of me. But only when other people are around. When it's just you and me, you claim to love the music as much as I do and to be proud of my differences. But the second someone else might see me dressed Japanesy, you're not so proud anymore. That's sad, Mum. It really is.

And if Amber does not get a freakin' life and stop internet-stalking me with her 'bad karma' crap, I swear I'm just going to snap on her arse. I'm on my last threads of sanity right now, and it is not a good time for her to be trying to insult me when all she does is annoy me. Like a bug that just won't fly out the freakin' window even though it's rolled all the way down. I'm done with her, and I want her out my life for good and completely. But she cannot move on. It's so freakin' pathetic. Grow up, Amber. Seriously. You don't hurt me. I laugh at your pathetic attempts to frighten and insult me. And I pity you because the only thing you have to live for is checking the internet every five minutes to see if anything I've posted anywhere might mention you. And guess what, Amber? We are NOT friends anymore. Get it through your head, and get a life. Holy Mother of God, you are pathetic.

Today has just not been my day. My 95 in Geometry went down to below a 90 because the teacher is a dumbarse that decided to count some kind of notes that were not mandatory as a grade on the spur of the moment. Freakin' A. I'm going to talk to her about it Monday. And if she doesn't change it, I'll be going to the principal. Today can only be described as beyond hobo. And on top of that, I didn't get any of my Junior Theme done, and I won't have a single spare moment after tonight to do it. It's due Monday. God, I hope tomorrow's better. Because if it's not, I swear I might kill someone.