Unwanted Lonliness
Every once in a while I feel that lonely feeling of despair peeking through, but the majority of the time I've found the strength to crush it. Yay for me! : D What really brought it up today were my friends Janice and Carol. Janice just kept going on and on and on about how she and Carol were going to Europe together. And then she sat there telling Carol all the stuff they should do and making plans while I sat there feeling like a third wheel. Well, I'm sorry that going to Japan in 2006 is more important than going to Europe. I'd love to see England one day, but my money is being saved for Japan. And you should know how much that means to me. Couldn't we have talked about something else? You could have called Carol and talked about Europe later, but no. Had to sit there and make me feel like you didn't give a crap what I felt or that you hurt my feelings. And no I didn't tell Janice any of this because she would have cussed me and felt like she won. She's just a "me, me" kind of person, and heaven forbid if someone be talking besides her at all times. *sigh* Now I feel bad for talking like that when we're friends, but it did make me mad. And yesterday she asked for my opinion on a thesis, and then kept interrupting me when I was trying to help her fix it. She got pissed because she knew I was right, but she wanted it done her way even though it was wrong.
John came to the library today. Flirted a bit. Joked around. Talked like old friends. And that was it. It was awkward at times because of silences here and there. And I felt a little sad and wistful for a while, but then I thought of all the reasons I shouldn't care, and I calmed down. I'm not saying I don't care about him anymore. Heck, I still love the boy, and if he asked me out tomorrow I'd most likely say yes. I'm just not actively chasing him or living each day just to see him and wait for him to make a move. I'm done with that. Unless he does something about us, I'm done caring, and I'm done trying to get his attention. I'm just going to be me, and live my life with or without him.
3 Comments:
*sneaks in with frying pans in tow*
....
IT'S ABOUT F^&^IN TIME!!!!
*sneaks out with frying pans in tow*
You never saw that...
Aw, I'm sorry about those girls. They probably weren't even thinking about how others feel, just as most people do. Often we trample on another person's feelings with out realizing we've even done so.
I'm glad you're learning to get over John. There's too many fishes in the sea out there! I think. That was a weird expression. O_o
You should post whatever you feel like posting in here. It's your own journal and no matter what's in it I'll still be interested and others probably will be too.
Don't get mad at me but I know how you feel. You and Kesha treated me like a third wheel all the time. I never really said anything but it does suck. About John, you should let him chase you for awhile instead of you chasing him all the time. Hey if it works and he does chase you it could be fun. Anyways, I am going to go now. I'll talk to you later. Bye Bye
P.S. Call me later, I'll be home all weekend.
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